5 Reasons Not to Dismiss Your Teen’s Online Friendships

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1. Identify if They're Built on Shared Values, Not Just Proximity

Teens often bond and connect online over simple things like games, reels, books, or music. But when they begin to claim these online friends are really friends, just like you would here at home, you want to identify if the friendship is built on shared values.

One of the identifiers for me with my own daughter was connecting with her and her friend via video chat to have honest discussions about faith, Christ-centered interests, devotionals, and our beliefs. The video chat portion was important because it revealed my daughter’s friend was actually a young person, not a creepy man in a basement somewhere, and it also let the conversation flow organically—just as if we were all in person.

Show intentionality in getting to know the online friend’s beliefs, faith, and shared interests. Shared values are far more important than shared proximity. (Once—and I emphasize this—you have verified the friend is really who they say they are!)

2. They Provide Real Emotional Support

One thing I’ve noticed is that online friends tend to check in during hard seasons— when they're dealing with anxiety, loneliness, or family struggles. Interestingly enough, because of the habits formed in the friendship of that consistent connectivity, sometimes they prove to be more faithful and more dependable than friends in passing within your child’s school or church.

I’ve witnessed the “iron sharpens iron” principle in action with my daughter and her friend. In times of duress and trial, emotional strife, and bad days, it’s been neat to stand in the doorway (with my daughter’s knowledge) and listen as her friend, whom we’ve never “met in person,” shares Scripture with her and encourages her in ways no one else can.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Carol Yepes

3. They Help Teens Who Feel Like Outsiders Find Belonging

Not every teen fits in at school, or even at youth group, and if your child has niche interests, a quiet personality, or social anxiety, they may thrive with online friendships. There are arguments, of course, as to the health of this being their only outlet, but let’s not discount it as an outlet.

Sometimes your teenager will struggle to find that “kindred spirit” among the friend groups they're surrounded by in person. But then, the blessing of the digital age can introduce them to someone they may not have met otherwise, who God can use to help fill in those gaps.

4. Dismissing These Friendships Can Break Trust

It’s also important to remember that, as a parent, dismissing these friendships as “not real” can break trust with your child. Their experience growing up with social media and the connectivity that we may not have had has trained them to see relationships through a different lens. When parents say, "That's not a real friend," teens hear, "You don't trust my judgment." And that may be true. But remember, by dismissing it, you can push your teen to hide their online life rather than share it openly. Validating doesn't mean zero oversight—it means leading with respect.

5. Healthy Boundaries and Online Friendships Can Coexist

Be advised, this is not an argument for free-for-all online friendships and the abandonment of wisdom and discernment. As a parent, you can and should set boundaries regarding screen time, personal boundaries, sharing personal information, and maintaining privacy.

In the same way you check up on your teen’s friendships at school, you can ask about their online friends by name, too. Encourage your teenager to take the friendship “slow” as you would with in-person friendships.

Proverbs 22:6: "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

Your teenager needs you to engage with their life and friendships, not just monitor them. Get to know their online friends. Get to know their online friends' parents! When my daughter became close to her friend, we mothers connected via text and had some really meaningful conversations. I learned about their family, their family values, and they, in turn, learned about ours. We laughed at how we were both concerned that our daughters weren’t actually teenagers, but were evil people preying on children, and we were grateful when we found that out there in the deepest dark places of the online world, there are still really great people that we get to meet!

In the end, caution is key, but so is coming alongside your teenager. Because if their online friendship doesn’t turn out to be healthy, you will want to have earned their trust to give input.

To close, online friendships get a really bad rap and often, very rightfully so. There are so many dangers, so I cannot stress enough that as parents, we need to be vigilant. But we also need to accept the reality that friendships are forming in ways they didn’t when we were kids, when we had to pay 5 cents a minute just to talk to a friend on the phone. No. Now, they can connect via video 24/7 if they want. So whether we believe it or not, to our kids, these online friendships are real. They are defining. They are just as—and sometimes more—important than their in-person friendships.

Be aware of them. Acknowledge them as potentially real friendships. Vet them. Set healthy boundaries. Get to know them. Mostly, keep communication with your child open so they can safely come to you at any time.

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